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Everyone
has already noticed the vernacular and
stylistic similarities between the Black
Eyed Peas single, “My Humps,” and the
most recent single from the Pussycat
Dolls, "Beep”—featuring none other
than BEP leader, Will-I-AM. What we
don’t know is whether the Pussycat Dolls
is where the rest of Wild Orchid ended
up after RCA or Sony dropped their drooping
asses after two or three recs and Stacy
Ann “Fergie” Ferguson started hitting
meth and ecstasy, found Jeebiz and his
first cousin Will-I-AM, and finally
started flopping her duct tape tits
all over MTV.
They
didn’t—Renee and Stefanie apparently
actually tried to keep Wild Orchid going
after Fergie ditched them because they
weren’t as "pretty” as her, and
the Pussycat Dolls ... the short
version is that PCD is actually just
Nicole from Eden's Crush/"American
Popstars" (WB) singing all parts
with nebulous stripper chicks dancing
around her and pretending to sing in
PCD videos—but that is NOT what is actually
important here. What we really need
to see in all this is the barely subtle
message that indeed Helter Skelter
is back on! (Doors: TBA) And this
time it’s Poppa Will-I-AM (“I Am” is
one of “God’s many names,” according
to almost all monotheists) creating
an army of hump and beep shaking white
girls ready to slaughter-in the Final
Conflict between the melatonin rich
and wanting.
You
just have to wonder how fucking pissed
is Uncle Charlie right now?!? Especially
at being relegated to dirty old uncle
in the newly rejuvenated Hel-Skel scene!
Let alone the fact that God apparently
got a case of liberal white guilt (you
really should have moved to Nevada sooner,
Chuck, and not let God hang around Berkeley
so much) and decided to raise up a Nubian
prophet of destruction this time around.
Further
evidence of Helter Skelter’s impending
launch was offered in a BEP video where
Will-I-AM is wearing a track jacket
emblazoned with the letters “CCCP” (i.e.
that’s Cyrillic for USSR!!! [i.e. that
was a country back in the 80s that promoted
Communism!!! {i.e. Communism=Hippie
Death Cult!!!}]). And just check out
Fergie’s conversion story from Wikipedia:
Ferguson
was a regular at various Los Angeles
... met will.i.am of the Black
Eyed Peas. Ferguson and will.i.am
had a number of meetings and, before
long, she was invited to join. Ferguson
replaced Kim Hill, who ... in 2000.
Ferguson recorded five ... with
the group before she was invited
to join ... permanently. She took
the name "Fergie."
Now,
just replace Ferguson with Fromme, and
“Fergie” with "Squeaky," and
you’ve got yourself the recipe for a
couple houses full of dead white California
cake eaters, not to mention the instigation
of Armageddon.
And
the Pussycat Dolls? Oh, they're only
... GOING ON TOUR WITH BLACK EYED
PEAS THIS FUCKING SUMMER!!! So,
get ready to be strung up and gutted
with your own fishing knives.
But
does all of this ultimately mean that
Whitey is the new underdog of the apocalypse?
No doubt about it. Plus, the good Beatles
got axed, so, hey, thanks a lot for
fucking it up the first time, Chuck.
Carve that
into your forehead, you goddamn asshole.
We
can only hope that Vincent Bugliosi
is still paying attention and itching
for a new book deal ... or Will help
us all.
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